Wedding Business Solutions

Scott Faver - Transactional vs relational networking

• Alan Berg, CSP, Global Speaking Fellow

Share episode

Scott Faver - Transactional vs relational networking

In the world of networking, are you building meaningful relationships, or are your interactions purely transactional? Discover the importance of relational networking and how it can benefit your wedding business. Are you approaching your connections with genuine interest and a giving spirit, or are you counting on immediate returns? In this episode, Scott Favor and I delve into the art of networking, emphasizing the power of relationships over transactions and sharing insights on how to give without the expectation of receiving while knowing when to say no.

Listen to this new episode for insights on creating lasting connections in the wedding industry and learning the value of relational networking.

About Scott Faver
As The Game Master, he has trained 1,000’s of DJs throughout the US and Canada. He is a regular presenter at industry conferences including Wedding MBA, Marquee Chicago, Photo Booth Expo, which he has hosted for 8 years. And the co-host for 3 years the PBX \ MEX Hall of Fame awards show. A leader in the event industry, Scott developed EE: Event Ensemble, a local network of 2,000+ event professionals who gather to learn, network, and share referrals.


Contact Scott: 


The Party Favers - DJ Scott Faver

https://www.thepartyfavers.com 

AKA, for DJs, The Game Master

Training for DJs to provide fun, unique, personalized entertainment for their clients' events.

https://www.thegamemaster.biz

EE: Event Ensemble

Networking, Education, and Referrals, exclusively for event industry professionals.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/EventEnsemble

https://www.eventensemble.com


If you have any questions about anything in this, or any of my podcasts, or have a suggestion for a topic or guest, please reach out directly to me at Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com or visit my website Podcast.AlanBerg.com 

Please be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave a review (thanks, it really does make a difference). If you

Mon. Feb. 17th, Las Vegas, NV - Save $100 with this link: https://tinyurl.com/LVMini100

Mon. Feb. 24th, Miami, FL - https://events.humanitix.com/nawp

I'm Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you'd like to suggest other topics for "The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast" please let me know. My email is Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

Listen to this and all episodes on Apple Podcast, YouTube or your favorite app/site:

©2025 Wedding Business Solutions LLC & AlanBerg.com

Is your networking transactional or relational? Listen to this episode and let's find out. Hey, welcome to another episode of the Wedding Business Solutions podcast. I'm Alan Berg, your host, and I am so excited to have my good friend Scott Faver on. Scott, how you doing today?

I am ready to party.

Well, you are the. It is the party favors, so we, you know, we have to do that. There you go. But. Okay. Now, Scott, you and I have known each other for a long time, and you reached out to me about something you heard on something that happened with you, and I said, we need to talk about this online, so tell everybody the story and then we'll just, you know, let's just talk about it.

Okay, Fair enough. Thrilled to be here, longtime listener, huge fan, and looking forward to sharing the stage with you at PBX this February. Yeah, thank you. Shameless Plug. I. I manage a networking group here in the Phoenix metro area, and we've had somewhere between 800 to 1200 members. So it's a nice sized group. People come and go, which is part of the networking process where they don't always stay in the group.

So it's okay. I still network with them if they have a service that's of value and it fits the needs of my clients. And I'm happy to refer them whether they're actually a member of my group or not, because that's good networking in my humble estimation. But I had this individual reach out to me and say, please promote my thing to your audience. And as you can see, with 800 to 1200 members in my group alone, I have a nice size audience. Plus they know that outside of that, I have a large customer database. So they're looking for me to promote them to my audience. They're no longer a member of the group.

They don't refer me personally from my business services. And the only time I hear from them is when they want me to do something for them. You know, the old B and I thing, givers and takers. But your take caught my attention because.

You said, oh, go ahead, tell people what I said.

Okay. All right. I just wanted to, you know, make it a dialogue, not a monologue.

Yeah, no, no.

But you said he's transactional versus relationship or relational.

Right.

And. And that caught my attention because I don't typically think in those terms because I'm more of a giver than a taker. And so it doesn't normally bother me, but once in a while, it gets under my skin, as this particular individual did. And so you caught my Attention. And I thought it was worth the conversation.

Oh, thanks. And, you know, the idea is we're all. There's transactions involved in everything we do, but in this particular case, they're not currently a member and they're reaching in only to get something as opposed to they're a member, they show up, they've been giving to the meetings, they've been giving to your members and things like that. Hey, Scott, could you promote this to the members? You, you wouldn't have given it a second thought. It would have been, of course, because you're part of the tribe here. You're, you're, you, you've been part of this. And, and that's what it comes down to. So, you know the give and take thing, Adam Grant, if you haven't read his book Give and Take, it's a great book, talks about the same thing.

Givers, takers and matchers. Right? And the most successful and least successful people in life are givers. Right? And the reason that they're most and least successful is the ones that are the most successful know when to stop giving because it's to their detriment. And the least successful keep giving to their detriment and just don't know when to state, say no. And say no, I can't at this point. Right. The matchers, again, I'll give to you if you'll give to me and the takers, I'm going to take. I don't want to give you anything.

And you didn't finish the story, which is that this person has an event coming up, a ticketed event, and they invited you to the event for you to buy a ticket, but they still wanted you to promote their event for free to their members.

Correct?

Right. So that was again, the whole transactional thing. And you know, I learned a long time ago, right, you give without expecting in return. And it comes back to you. When I left the knot in 2011, the one of the first phone calls that I got was from a friend, Cherie, running Sheree, I don't know if you're listening out on the West Coast. And she said, you know, what are you going to be doing? And I said, I'm going to be putting on these events called the Wedding Industry Leaders Conference, where I'll go to a hotel and I'll get a meeting room and I'll present and people will pay to come. And she said, okay, you're going to do Seattle and Portland first. Now, I didn't ask her.

She said, you're going to do Seattle And Portland first. And I said, well, Sheree, I didn't. I didn't ask. And she put on her. I call it her mom voice. And she went, ellen, you're doing Seattle and Portland first. What do you need? Right? It was. No, it wasn't a question.

The question was at the end, but it was. You were. I am helping you. You tell me what you need. And she made. Got me these two amazing venues for really, really great rates and all and to help promote it and all. And it's just one example of how I must have been giving to her in some way throughout my life for her to say, I want to do this for you. Yes, she's a generous person to begin with, but I don't think she would have done that with someone that had not been generous to her at some point.

And that's why if we always keep a scorecard, that's where it's transactional. Whereas, yeah, it comes back. Right. It comes back to us. You know, you are absolutely a giver. Everybody who knows you knows that you're a giver. The question is, do you also know how to say no?

Yeah. I think that is the most powerful lesson right here in the conversation. And we've just gotten started. That book that you referenced. Say it again. Grant.

It's a Give and take by Adam Grant.

Yeah, that's. That's high on my list right now because I do love to give, but I don't always know when to say no or right enough. And. And that is a really, really good lesson. And it helps you not have knockers, that maybe you did something wrong or that you're not giving anymore. So. And it's okay to say no.

Right. Well, so in. In this case, with this person coming to you, it was easier to say no because there was such a clear disparity between the asking and them not giving. Right. The fact that they left the group, the fact they're asking you to buy a ticket, all those things there was that clear, aligned. It's. It's when you have other people that you don't mind giving to, but some people, you know, just keep taking, keep taking, keep taking. I had one time, you know, I tell my clients, after I've done some consulting with you or training, if you have a question, just reach out.

You don't get a bill for that, Send me an email. You know, you don't get a bill. And I had this. This one client that I was in a hotel somewhere, just came out of the gym, I'm wearing my Gym clothes. And my phone rings, and it was the client. Well, I get on the phone, fine, you know, well, now I'm on a conference call. You know, they're in their meeting room, and there's like, eight people there. And I'm standing there in my gym shorts, you know, and I'm answering, and I'm thinking in my head, we might be crossing the line here, right? We might be taking advantage.

But at the end of the call, the client said, hey, thanks very much. Hey, you have my credit card, right? Just charge me for this. So they knew it, too, right? They knew it, too. Because I can't remember the last time, if ever I've charged somebody for, hey, I helped you out. Here you go. You know, here's a bill, right? I can't remember, you know, other than, you know, the paid time that we've done, the aftercare. Right. I can't remember the last time, if ever I've done that.

But I've had people say, hell, no, no, no, come on, it was your time, or whatever. Once in a while, if I. If I help them a lot, I might say, you know, if a nice bottle of bourbon showed up, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. You know, there you go. But I didn't want to send a bill. It was. It was that kind of thing. So, you know, for you, is there a line? I mean, do you have a.

Do you think there's a clear line where Scott would say no? I mean, this one. This was easy. This one was easy.

This one was black and white. But clearly it's something for me to invest some looking into, because I do say yes 99% of the time. I have a hard time saying no and maybe. And that's the lesson here for sure.

Well. Well, the question is, is it disrupting your personal or business life? And that's where the sign is that I said yes to this. But now I can't do what I need to do. I can't get ready for this event. I can't be with my. My. My child, my spouse, my partner, my friends, whatever. I can't go to the gym because I have, you know, whatever it is, that's where it's.

It's in. It's interrupting.

I have such a strong anchor in the concept of I give here, but I receive there. And I'm okay with that because the pool that you feed is not always the well you drink from. And so with that thought in mind, it's real easy to say yes more.

Often than not, yeah, the pay it forward, right? It's. You're not paying it back, you're paying it forward.

Right.

And I. I think that's the best part of giving, is you want that. My wife and I had this last year. We're in Hawaii. We're speaking up for the Oahu Wedding association. And we're at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, which we haven't been. Is one of the biggest hotel complexes. Right.

It's just huge. Thousands of rooms. And we're in a shop. I forget what we were buying, but a guy comes in and seems to be in a rush, and. And our stuff is on the counter. And he drops his thing on the counter and his credit card and tells the lady to charge it all our stuff and his stuff.

And before.

Before we even could just get our heads around what was happening, he had paid for our. Whatever it was that we bought. I can remember what it was we bought. And then it was like. Then he was off. You know, it was like a superhero. He was. He flew in and he flew out.

And. And then Carol and I are like, what. What just happened here? So then we're thinking, okay, how can we pay this forward? Right? And you hear about it with people in restaurants who are paying for other people's food and stuff like that. And I think. I think we ended up donating more than what our stuff was to the food bank, right? Because the opportunity to buy somebody else's food didn't come up quickly. So I was like, well, we're going to buy people food. It's just not going to be in a restaurant. We'll do it that way because we.

We now felt obligated to. To do something not for him, because I don't know who he was. He was gone, right?

He's gone.

He put his cape on and flew away. So he was gone there. So.

What a great story.

Yeah. But again, you feel that obligation, but to me, that it's transactional in the sense that we want to pay it forward, right. Not pay it back. Right. Paying it back is that transaction. Right. You did for me. I had, you know, I have to.

Right.

I gave you two. Where are mine.

Right, right. And. And I'm sure with your 800 to a thousand members there, you, you know, the people that are the givers. You know, the people that are the takers. Right. What are some of the signs. What are some of the signs of the. The people that are.

Are more transactional that you've seen?

Oh, you know, like the ones who show up with Their hands out all the time.Or.

Or. Here's my card. Here's my card. Here's my card. The craziest networking lesson I learned when I moved to Arizona from California was don't give people your business card unless they ask for it. And I thought, what are you talking about? It's networking. And then I learned that networking is not selling.

Right, Right.

And networking is not buying. They're important lessons because people think, well, there's 10 people in the room. I have 10 customers. No, no, no. It's the people they know. The relationship you can build with those 10 people that will then introduce you to the people that they know when they're in need of your particular services.

People refer people they know like and trust. I had the author, Bob Berg, B U R G who wrote the Go Giver. I had him on the podcast. He calls me Cousin Alan. We're not related, but. And showing up is the most important thing because you tend to refer the person that's top of mind. And if I saw you last week at a, you know, meeting, that you're top of mind. Right.

Even though there's somebody who does equally as well, somebody might even do better. But you're the one that's top of mind. And the fact that you and I are both showing up to the same meeting means we have something in common. There's the relationship. I'm more likely to refer you than the person that doesn't show up by.

Way of paying it forward and letting everybody know how much I enjoy you and what a fan I am. The Go Giver episode was one of my absolute favorites and most frustrating because it was. Listen, Stop. Pause. Right? What did he say to back it up? Wait, whoa. Did you hear that? It was incredibly impactful for me and my business. So thank you for that.

Great. And so. And it's funny, still talk about relationships. I didn't know Bob Berg, but I know people that know him. And I had read the Go Giver. It took me a long time. I always heard about it, and I wanted to read it because I've been using the phrase people refer people they know like and trust, which came from the Go Giver. All things being equal, people refer people they know, they like and they trust.

Right? And I think. And it's Bob Berg and John David Mann are the authors. And somehow through somebody, I. I said, you know, do you know, whatever? And I got the introduction. I said, would you come on? He said, absolutely. And that was it. And that was, again, the relationships. Right.

It's not what we know. It's who we know. But it's who we know because I show up national at National Speakers association meetings. I show up at the Professional Speakers association of the UK and Ireland meetings and therefore we know people. I'm going to be speaking for one of the chapters of the PSA UKI later this year because I was at their meeting, their annual summit, and somebody said, hey, could you help me with this? You know, I have a group doing actually too. I have a group of people that get together, we do a zoom. That would be really helpful. Would you do that? Absolutely.

Right. Because of the relationships here. That's the giving back to my association, to my group. The way you give back to DJs, the way you give back to the entertainment industry. I give back to the speaking industry the same way. So the showing up is really important, the not handing the business cards. Little side note on business cards, when somebody does ask for your business card, if you hand it to them, they take it and they put it away, right? Well, two hands, that would be the very proper way to do it. But if they take it and put it right away, there's nothing special about your card.

If they take it and stop and look at it right now, what is it about that? Is it the size? Is it the shape? Is it the texture? Is it something on there? I always like to leave some room where somebody could write something on it, right? So is it light enough color that somebody could write something? I met Scott at the EA meeting or whatever those things, something you asked me for, make a note on there. You do this something you want, you want me to remind you, write a note on that. So can you do that? But, you know, that's why my cards are always either round or half an inch taller with rounded corners. Because people, oh, you know, their eyes go, wait, I should look at this. Because it's not two by three and a half inches. You know, standard Vistaprint, whatever. Nothing against vistaprint. I use them for a bunch of stuff.

But. But there you go. So business cards. What would you say to somebody who just moved to Phoenix from Los Angeles and now it comes to one of your meetings, finds out about your group.

And your group is called Event Ensemble. Just for event people.

Just for event people finds out about it, or maybe somebody invites them to come to a meeting, right? So you already told them, don't just stand there handing out your business cards. What should they do?

There are networkers and then there are connectors. So ideally, if it's not me it's someone in my group who already knows how to connect that they're actually going to. When they meet somebody who's new in the group, introduce them to someone else in the group. And ideally, that person that they introduce them to is someone who is in need of or in a position to refer them. And because we're all event people, that would be somebody regularly. So if we have event planners, then we want to introduce them to lots of vendors because their clients need lots of choices. Best event planners don't always refer the same DJ and the same photographer, but refer the one that meets the needs of their specific client and then the venue, you know, they're always looking for people, but at the same time, they don't want to be, you know, inundated with a bunch of stuff, which I've been told many times by venues that that's a great conversation, by the way, you should have with venue people, because it usually ends up in the round file.

Well, but talk about why. So, so tell me, explain what you're talking about there.

Well, the example here is if I'm the venue and I'm at the top of the food chain because I can refer everybody in the room, then everybody wants to be my friend. And so everybody is either giving me their card, their brochure, wants to take me out to lunch, or wants to do a site visit, wants to take me golfing or give me movie tickets or candy or flowers, and the list goes on. And they just get so much of this detritus. Sorry, don't mean to say your stuff is that. But ends up at the round file, or they give it away, or it just. It's, you know, gets lost in the mix.

Right. So. So what's.

Because that's all transactional, not relational.

Well, that's all about what can you do for me.

Correct.

What I always tell people is if you meet that venue person, say, hey, it's great to meet you, and all, you know, so what. What do you not have access to or what's. What doesn't go right at events that, you know, find out what's missing, what's wrong, what their pain is, and how can I help you? And then they'll be like, so what do you do? I mean, that's the best thing that's gonna happen is they can then say, so what do you do? Because you haven't told them? You haven't just blurted all of that on them.

Exactly.

Right. So it's, you know, go in there, you want to meet the venue People like, and then what can you do for them? So if you're a photographer, it's easy. If you have the opportunity to shoot at their venue, a wedding, an event, whatever it is, give them photos without them asking. Give them a slideshow without them asking. If you're a videographer, give them a trailer. Give them something not about you, about the venue, showing off the venue, showing off the best of what you have over there. That's what. What you want to be doing.

Right? Same thing. You could go and say, you haven't done a wedding there. Your photographer, you can say, hey, does your team need new headshots? You know, I'd love to do that for you. Just get. You'll get a little taste of what I can do. Not in an event, but, you know, we've just met, you know, I. I'd love to do that for you. Or maybe just them.

Just, you know, just the one person.

My. My favorite thing for venues specifically is I have three couples that are looking for a great place to celebrate. Why would. Why would they want to pick you? And that opens the conversation that they can then tell me about their property. And I can say, oh, well, as a matter of fact, they are looking for a place that has ceremony, lodging, and catering on site. When would be a good time for the three of us to visit? And then they immediately think that I'm a party planner. It's like, no, I'm a dj.

All right.

What?

Yeah, right. And it, again, it's harder as you go further down the line, because what can you do for them? But the question is, how can I help you? Right? Not. Not what could you can do for me?

Can I disagree with the master?

Go ahead.

Okay. It is not harder the further you get down the line.

Well, I'd say with. With your service, because they may not need your service.

Well, but I hear this all the time from whether it's the photo booth or the officiant or the force or whomever it is, they always say, oh, I'm the last person they call. The calligrapher or the ice sculptures. I'm the last person they call. It's how you manage your business and how you network that really determines the pecking schedule and whether you're first or last and.

Right. And the other thing is, as I'm thinking that through, you have things to offer them besides your services.

Correct.

You have knowledge about social media, knowledge about SEO, knowledge about following up, knowledge about AI, things like that. You know, a lot of stuff that I've been Doing now is more universal. So, yeah, I think again, I, I probably spoke about this on an episode a long time ago. You, you know Rod Baker in Texas, I think, you know, right.

We did him on a couple times.

I did. Well, we did one episode and then offline we were talking about networking for introverts and that's why we went and did another one, because he said, he walks into the room and he said, I look for the most uncomfortable person and if it's me, then I look for the second most uncomfortable person and I walk over and I talk to them because I know what it's like to be them. And that's. And I think we. Where you walk in a room full of strangers. Now you and I can walk out with a room full of best friends, but initially you walked into a room full of strangers. Another good one that I heard. I think it was at a speaker conference.

So you walk up and you meet somebody the first time and say, you know, hi, my name is Alan. What's your name? They tell you their name and you typically would say, what do you do? And they'll tell you what you do. And, and, and then instead of having them say, well, what do you do? Say, what do you love about that? What do you love about that? And then for most people, there are people that hate their job, but for most people, right, we're not going to go there. The passion that is their craft. They'll start talking about, I love baking cakes because I love helping people have amazing events because of whatever, and their face will light up and then they'll talk with emotion and then just keep digging deeper. The more they're talking, the more they like you and you haven't said anything. And it's the same when you're having.

To have a genuine interest in getting to know people.

Right.

It is the relationship side of networking that people fall flat on because all they really want to do is sell.

Right. I, I'm process of editing a version of Stop Selling and Help them Buy for any business.

Oh, I thought you were going to say Shut up and sell more.

Well, we have Shut up and sell more, but the follow up was Stop Selling and Help Them Buy. And I was just editing a version for people outside the wedding and event industry. And the part that I just got to was talking about being interested instead of interesting, which was a Mark Sanborn thing, right in the. I think it was in the Fred factor. So, you know, you want to be interested in them. Genuinely interested in what you know, everybody has something interesting about them. If you could just find it, right? If you could just let them talk about it. And it might not be their work.

It might be that, you know, what do you do outside of work? You know, what do you love to do? Oh, I love horseback riding. Oh, I love playing pickleball. Oh, I love, you know, doing dance lessons or whatever it is. No, ballroom dance. Oh, my gosh. You know, I always wanted to do. Right. But now you're talking about something that they have a passion and automatically they feel better about you.

The endorphins are brushed and they feel better about you. And again, it's. It's not transactional because I'm not waiting for you to ask about me. And if you do, great, and if you don't, that's okay. We'll. You'll find out later. And you might have somebody after talking for 20 minutes, and they go, so, Scott, what do you do?

Okay, but on. On the other side of the negative up there, I can't tell you how many times I've sat down for a networking meeting, you know, face to face, or one on one, whatever you want to call it. And you'll be there an hour and then they're standing up and saying, it was nice to meet you, by the way. What do you do? Yeah, because the whole conversation has only been about them, right?

And it's understanding who people are. And again, are they going to be transactional? It's also a learned thing, right. If you have somebody that hasn't done a lot of networking and somebody asked about you and then you go, and. And that's what it is. I know a younger me talk too much. An older me now gets paid to talk, but that's a different story. It's also, it's also funny where a younger me, like a school age me, was. Math was my subject.

I was all about math and language. I didn't want to write papers. I didn't want to do any of that as my 12th book just got published, you know, but just think about that change. I embraced language, you know, for the art of the language. And I also found my voice. And my voice is. I'm not trying to be anybody else. I'm just trying to be me and just do what I do.

So, you know, I love going to networking events. I love meeting new people. Even though people say, well, you're. You're an extrovert. I am, but I. I'm an introvert at root. As a child, I was very shy, and I think a lot of people Let a lot of DJ. I know a lot of DJs are introverts, as Rod and I spoke about, but I also force myself to say, you're not going to learn anything new about anybody or about yourself or about what you can do unless you meet new people, unless you find out.

And. And again, you know, if they came to show up to the meeting, you have something in common already, right?

Voila.

Right off the bat. So don't think you don't have anything in common with people. You both showed up to the same event, you have something in common already. And then everybody has something that they're passionate about. Family, pets, work, school, whatever it is, find that, but make it. Make the other person feel good about that interaction so that it's not transactional. And that's how this whole thing started. So, you know, if this guy really wanted you to share, I mean, you tell me all the time, share on the group, share in the group, share in the group.

Right? I'm not at. I'm not. Hey, could you do it? You know, and if I. I have some groups I can share in, sometimes they'll be like, hey, you know, I have something else. Is it too much? And. And usually they're like, no, no, it's fine. Because I asked, not because I assumed. Right.

That's.

Your content is always top drawer, so I invite you to share anytime, anything.

Well, thank you, my friend. Well, I am coming to Phoenix this summer because. Because it won't be hot enough in New Jersey, so I. I'm coming to Phoenix, so I think we should do something together with EE while I'm there. Do a little workshop or something. We'll do that. But. So, Scott, last thoughts for people about relational versus transactional.

I'm so reminded, even in this live version of Sitting down with you, that I always feel better after listening to your podcast and listening to you, you know, help to put proper perspective on a situation. And I will remain relational and be patient with those that are transactional.

Thank you, my friend. I don't know if it's the. The right perspective. It is certainly my perspective and, you know, take it for what it is there. Use it, don't use it, whatever. But thank you, my friend. Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for sharing that story with me because that's what I love.

These are the things that spark this and. And then hope you listen and got something out of it. And Scott, how can people find out more about you?

Oh, well, thank you for asking. My. If you're watching, there's me the party favors. I'm a professional DJ. And if you're interested in networking, event ensemble.com and we'd be happy to have you come by as a visitor, even if you're not in the Phoenix metro area. We meet online and in person, and we're open to any event industry professional.

Terrific. It's Event Ensemble. No s on the end. Ensemble. Singular. Okay.

I have. I have a friend who keeps adding the s. No, no s. Okay.

No S. There you go. All right. Look at the show notes. We'll have the link in there as well. All right. Thanks for listening. Thanks for joining me.


I’m Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you’d like to suggest other topics for “The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast” please let me know. My email is Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com or you can  text, use the short form on this page, or call +1.732.422.6362, international 001 732 422 6362. I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

Listen to this and all episodes on Apple Podcast, YouTube or your favorite app/site:

©2025 Wedding Business Solutions LLC & AlanBerg.com


People on this episode

Contributor

Alan Berg, CSP, Global Speaking Fellow

Host